Reincarnation

I believe in reincarnation, but obviously I can't be sure. I believe in Heaven, too--mostly as a way-station between incarnations where we wait for our group to catch up with us before embarking on the next adventure. I don't believe in any type of permanent Hell, but I have come to believe that perhaps there are pieces of the afterlife that sort of resemble the old concept of purgatory. Then again, some earthly incarnations could easily serve the purpose of purgatory. But yet again, I don't want to get into the idea that people are starving in the third world because they were slow learners in a previous life. That they somehow deserve it. No one deserves it. Yet, of course, I am familiar with the school of thought that asserts souls voluntarily take on earthly lives in which they suffer or starve because they either want or need the learning experience for themselves, or because they are willing to do these things in order for others to have learning experiences. Though I can buy into this because it's the only way suffering makes sense, I can't imagine signing up for one of these lives myself. I believe in this possibility, but I also believe in the possibility of randomness.

One thing I don't really believe in is the ancient Eastern concept of reincarnation as some kind of wheel that we are bound to in suffering, some kind of cycle from which we must try to break free. Nirvana as some kind of ultimate nothingness, in which all individuality is lost, does not strike me as a goal I want to win. Of course, I freely admit that this could be my Western bias, my ego, or all of the above. I can't help thinking about a friend of mine who attended a Course in Miracles discussion group, who told me they had been talking about reincarnation and why the soul might do it. One of her group members asserted: "Because this (this earthly life) is Disneyland...." I have to agree with that sentiment. There is part of me, at least right now, that doesn't really want to attain perfection if it means I don't get to keep coming back....

Sigh. Even with the protection of my pseudonym, I feel compelled to admit that I don't know for sure if we really live on after death. I feel that we do, as much as I feel anything. I feel I've been visited by loved ones who've passed away. But aside from admitting the distasteful possibility that we might just die, I also admit that there could just be a more conventional heaven. And while honesty forces me to disclose that they were probably giving me some very nice drugs at the time, I can tell you about my own experience when my daughter was born. Until she was born, I had been afraid of death all my life. The first time I looked in her eyes, however, I felt like she was saying, "Here we go again, Mom." I have not been afraid of death since. Of course, the hard science types can cite (in addition to the nice drugs) the possibility of my subconscious realizing I'd fulfilled my biological purpose of reproducing, and turning off the fear.  All I can say is, I don't think so.  I think I had her before, and I lost her, the way so many people used to lose children before the era of modern medicine, the way too many people in less privileged lands lose them today. There has been much joy in our reunion.